It's been a while

It has been dear friend! Hope you are all fine. I was reading my previous e-mails and they were filled with much complaints and unhappiness. The first month of my work, I shared with you how much I hate it. Last 8 days ago I tendered my resignation letter. Yeap, final. I am happy about it.

People said as you grow older, you will realize a lot of things, a lot of your mistakes. I think that's true. Frankly, I had been far away from the Lord. Only by His grace that I was allowed to see a bit more of Him. I gasped and said wow...you have been so kind Lord. I rebuilt again my daily walk with Him. Really, there is no substitute to your daily devotional time with Him. Just with Him and expect Him to speak and He will.

I had been proud, selfish, unforgiving, unyielding much to my shame. There are a lot of people out there that are more qualified than me. But, Thank God, His grace is sufficient to me. We will not cease growing in Him until we see Him face to face. Thank God that He has sent His Son to us, really really thank God!

God, I just want to meet you daily. I want to trust you completely and never allow any sense of failure to hold me back again! For you have gently and lovingly asked me to rise and get going. Leave the past behind. I want to obey You, I want this little light of mine to shine, I want to fulfill my purpose here, I want to live for You. my little request. Thank you, Lord!

Christmas Eve thinking about...

"You must get alone with Jesus and either decide to tell Him that you do not want sin to die out in you , or that at any cost you want to be identified with His death"

Sharing

Udah lama gua gak ngeblog. Udah lama pengen nulis. Tadi bersyukur bisa ikut ke persekutuan doa. Udah lama gak ke PD rasanya teh kagak enak. Gua jujur dulu merasa keberatan ke PD tapi sekarang kok rasanya beda, rasanya kepengennn ke PD, kepengeeennn seperti Maria. Tambah sibuk jadi gak punya waktu buat berpikir banyak.

Anyway, tadi gua sempet nangkep sedikit mengenai tema tadi. Petrus si sanguin yang gagal trus bangkit lagi memang menjadi pelajaran buat gua, untuk gak cepat putus asa, gakj tinggal dalam kegagalan tapi bangkit terus bersama YEsus. Yess, saya mau bangkit karena bersama Yesus pasti ada jalan keluar.

Gua renungan pake my utmostny Oswald chambers juga banyak membuat gua berpikir tentang decision in life. Renungannya banyak challenge gua deh.

"His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. God is not working towards a particular finish, His purpose is the process itself."

"But if He desires knowledge and insights into the teachings of Jesus Christ, He can only obtain it through obedience."

"Even at the risk of being thought as fanatical, you must obey what God tells you."

""I will never leave you..."---not for any reason, not my sin, selfishness, stubborness, nor waywardness."

"our personal property are to be a matter of indifference to us, and our hold on these things should be very loose. If this is not the case, we will have panic, heartache, and distress. Having the proper outlook is evidence of the deeply rooted belief in the overshadowing of God's personal deliverance"

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace. Nor even blessings but Himself, my God"

very explainable quote. doakanlah...lagi bingung apakah gua berjalan di sekuler atau harus banting setir. pun kalo banting setir, darimanakah courage yang kudapat? apa yang harus gua lakuin, gua butuh fokus. hehehe. anyway, meanwhile, all the process/tests that God wants me to pass, let me glorify Him in everything I do. Let me have a clear vision. Let me go through what I must go through, grow in grace, learn and be mature through all circumstances.

All in all recognising God, knowing Him and enjoying Him forever :). That is complete satisfaction.

My dear Jesus

I am learning again to trust God. To let Him speak to me what He wants to say to me. When He said I will never leave you nor forsake you, I realize I had not given His words the chance. Let me gather up my courage. I want to trust You more God. Again. I want to remember why You died for me, why Christianity is such a sweet news for me.

No fear of tomorrow.

No fear of men.

No fear.

Because God is near.

Oh dear Jesus...continue to be dear to me...

dearer than Louis Vuitton...Gucci or Chanel

dearer than Maserati...Mercedez or BMW

dearer than Mont Blanc...

dearer than Tiffany & Co...

Oh dear Jesus...continue to be my guide...

continue to be the master of life...

continue to determine my way of life...

continue to enable me to love...

continue to enable me to forgive...

continue to enable me to love the lost souls...

continue to be so real to me...

continue to reveal your glory in me...

continue to be my reason for living...

continue to be my strength, my courage, my great comfort...my strong refuge...

lest this soul perish forever

Speak to me once again...I want to take it in...hold it tight...live it out...once again...

thank you for always giving me the chance...

Life is TREMENDOUS!

I think it is! :D

A few nice quotes from this book:

A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man's brow.

God never made the job that could make a man but any man who can get excited about his work can make a job.

No one is a failure until he blames someone elses.

Without loyalty nothing can be accomplished in any sphere. The person who renders loyal service in a humble capacity will be chosen for higher responsibilities, just as the biblical servant who multiplied the one pound given him by his master was made ruler over ten cities, whereas the servant who did not put his pound to use lost that which he had. B.C. Forbes

Leadership is learning to give whether you get anything or not!

No humility without humiliations!

Life isn't to be happy. It is to be growing.

No man can fight his way to the top and stay at the top without exercising the fullest measure of grit, courage, determination, resolution. Every man who gets anywhere does so because he has firmly resolved to progress in the world and then has enough stick-to-it-tiveness to transform his resolution into reality. Without resolution, no man can win any worthwhile place among his fellow men B.C.Forbes

Love does not make you weak, because it is the source of all strength , but it makes you see the nothingness of the illusory strength on which you depended before you knew it. Leon Bloy

"I've been learning that a job is something God gives to me and says that I'm to walk worthy of the vocation wherewith I have been called, that I am to begin learning to do everything I can with all my heart"

The success of a person in business or in any other endeavor is never determined by aptitude, by the boss or by friends. Success is achieved through making a decision, making it yours and dying by it!! C. Jones

No job ever made a man but a rught man can make any job.

Don't spend your life trying to make right decisions; invest your life in making decisions and making them right.

Dear Lord, My heart shall not faint!

My dear heart,

Trust! trust the Almighty

From of old it has always been said

to put on the shield of faith

Thy days and Thy night

 

Never Ever be moved

By words of any men

For Thou art my child

Listen only to My Voice

 

The words I gave you

art not idle words

They are Thy life,

Thy guide to Me

 

Thou must heed

Regardless what it might cause

Thou must hold

For Thou art to stand bold

 

Trust, Trust though Thy might not see

Trust, Trust Me! I will never leave Thee

PD Rebo + Renungan on Biography of Saints

PD Rebo Kemaren gua share ttg pergumulan gua mencari pekerjaan di Singapore. Akhirnya, gua merasa mendapatkan sesuatu yang bermutu. Tapi mungkin karena Iblis ya, gua beberapa hari ini jatuh ke dalam keragu2an. Meragu2kan apakah gua bakalan bisa stay long, gua gak males2an, gak mungkir dari pekerjaan, gak cepet give up. Gua penuh dengan harap cemas. Gua gak tahu apakah colleagues gua bakalan baek seperti boss gua, gua bahkan meragu2kan apakah boss gua cuma mengada-ngada, mengarang-ngarang terhadap prinsip2 dia dsb. Intinya, gua takut ketipu.

 

Ya Tuhan, aku sungguh berdosa meragukan kebaikan dan cinta kasih Tuhan. Tuhan ingetin hari ini untuk jangan liat pada diri sendiri tapi untuk fokus pada Kristus yang mampu accomplish any good things in my life. Tuhan yang memimpin aku, Tuhan lah yang akan memampukan aku. Tuhan terima kasih ya, kalau Engkau mau menunjukkan kasih, anugrah dan kemurahanMu sekaligus lewat pekerjaan ini. Biarlah aku mengenal Engkau dan mencintai Engkau lebih dalam lagi. Di PR Rebo, si pak Gideon ngingetin untuk melayani karena kasih dan karena hak bukan karena duty. Biarlah Engkau yang menambahkan kasih itu sendiri dalam hidup saya, sebab kalau saya put on the “manufacturing” mentality, saya pasti akan jatuh lagi Tuhan dalam legalisme dan kungkuk hukum (The burden of the law). Tuhan, jauhkan saya dari itu semua, biarlah aku sungguh2 mengenal siapa Kristus itu dan hidup di dalam Dia. Sungguh2 mengalami Engkau sebagai Bapa di sorga, sungguh2 menjadi saksi Tuhan yang hidup, yang mengalami Engkau sendiri bukannya mengada-ngada atau karangan cerita. Tuhan, aku juga cemas karena pekerjaan sales itu waktunya cukup flexible dan mungkin harus menghadiri banyak entertainment dinners dsb yang aku takut membuat aku bolos PD. Berikan aku hikmat dan tekad untuk mengasihi Tuhan dan kerendahan hati untuk berdoa. Saya takut pekerjaan ini akan menjauhkan saya dari Tuhan. Saya takut travelling time dari bukit batok ke bedok akan melelahkan saya. Saya takut Tuhan! kalau pekerjaan ini akan curi sukacita ini.

Biarlah mata saya tetap tertuju padaMu. Pada kemurahanMu, untuk senantiasa dekat denganMu. Aku gak akan bisa hidup tanpamu, yesus. Mau harta sebanyak apapun, Mau posisi setinggi apapun, Mau setenar siapapun, tidak ada, tidak ada yang dapat dan yang boleh menggantikan Engkau sebagai Tuhan dan Juruselamatku. Sebab tujuan hidup saya tidak ada lagi selain buat Kristus, selain hidup menuruti kehendak2Nya, selain beriman penuh kepadaNya. Dia adalah sumber kasih itu dan kebenaran. Dia adalah mata air yang tidak pernah surut. Dia adalah pengharapan saya dan hidup saya. Hidup saya tidak berarti apa2 tanpa Kristus. Tolong Tuhannnn jangan sampe!!! Jangan sampe aku jauh dariMu!!! mendingan gua masuk sekolah teologi Tuhannnn kalo sampe gua jauh. mendingan gua kehilangan kerjaan ini sekalipun gua bakal ditentang habis2an dari ortu. 

 

Renungan beberapa saints:

Amy Carmichael

saya mengagumi Amy karena dia bersikeras untuk tidak follow human direction, human agenda bahkan dalam mission field. Hatinya khusus buat Tuhan, buat rencana Tuhan, agenda Tuhan, jadinya kalaupun dia menerima dana missionary dan tidak memenuhi proyek yang diproposed, dia tidak mundur dan kecil hati. Dia gak berusaha merubah2 tapi hatinya taat. Katanya pegangan atau iman dia terhadap ayat2 alkitab cenderung superstitious. Tapi Tuhan accomplished much of His purpose on earth through her as she was sensitive to the leading of the Spirit. Terkadang kita tidak boleh bergantung terlalu banyak sama apa yang kita tahu, sama doktrin yang dengan teguh kita pegang. Memang doktrin membawa kita pada iman dan kepercayaan yang benar tapi terkadang iman kita terlalu kecil buat Tuhan. Tuhan kita terlalu kecil, lemah, tidak berkuasa dan tidak sanggup.

Alexander Maclaren

Saya mengagumi preacher ini karena dia nyiapin satu khotbah bisa 60 jam belajar. Dia tekun belajar dan punya disiplin tinggi. He knows how to say no. He did not feel obliged to attend every meeting, sit at every table or sit at every platform. Dia seorang perfeksionis dan idealis dan dia selalu tidak puas akan pekerjaannya. Tapi itulah yang tetap membuat dia rendah hati di hadapan Tuhan. Saya merasa punya keidentikkan dengan Dr. Maclaren karena saya seorang perfeksionis. Tapi tentu saja, saya itu bukan siapa2, saya bukan spiritual giant seperti dia, jauh bgt. Tapi saya punya aspirasi yang sama dan ingin meneladani dia especially in learning how to say no dan mengalami apa itu yang namanya anugrah. Saya merasa Tuhan mendengar doa saya, dan banyak hal2 yang terjadi dalam hidup saya, Dia mau kasih lihat kesetiaan dan anugrah Dia kepada saya. Saya berdoa agar kehendakNya yang jadi.

Fanny Crosby

Saya kagum pada Fanny karena dia bersyukur atas kebutaannya. Dia tidak menyimpan dendam terhadap dokter yang salah operasi. Dia malah mau berterima kasih pada dokter itu. Katanya, kalau dia tidak buta, dia tidak akan bisa melihat janji Tuhan yang begitu clear. Kalau dia bisa melihat, mungkin akan banyak distractions yang menghalangi penglihatan surgawi itu. Saya belajar bersyukur terhadap hal-hal pahit yang saya harus jalani dalam hidup saya, baik lewat pilihan2 bodoh yang saya buat ataupun hal2 yang diluar kontrol saya. Saya belajar mensyukuri dan mencintai setiap hal sebab Tuhan sanggup merubah semuanya menjadi indah pada akhirnya. Justru setiap hal2 buruk itu, saya merasa Tuhan ada disana dan tidak pernah meninggalkan saya. Saya bersyukur atas kekhilafan saya, all my silly mistakes and sins, bagi saya, saya harus melewati semuanya itu sebagai bagian dari panggilan hidup saya. Amy pernah berkata, kalau in acceptance lieth peace, dan saya agree. Unless and until we accept what has happened to us as part of God ordinance for our life, we will never be in perfect peace.

 

Tuhan saya cuma minta satu hal dalam hidup ini. Ini sungguh2. Saya mau mengenal Engkau dan mencintai Engkau. Saya mau mengalami kabar baikMu dan membagikannya…