Dialogue with self

Lilis...calm down. I think you are just tired. Cheer up, girl! Whatever m can say...whatever K...whatever Y...whatever N whatever R...whatever M...whatever...oh whatever...

Your confidence comes from the Lord. And remember...He is always sovereign...He is always in control...there are always good reasons for Him to allow some pain on your way...most probably to mature your characters. Accept with both hands the situation. Welcome the hardship with joy...count it all as a fellowship of His suffering. Your boss enjoys putting people down...especially when he needs to get his point across and win the verbal battle. Let him say whatever he wants, but don't take it personally. Otherwise it is going to be difficult working with him. At the moment, yes, you are not skillful yet in shutting off your ears to those hurtful words. But, hard work normally pays off. Be patient in affliction...endure the light momentary troubles...by the grace that God provided.

He never allows hardship to come to our way without enabling us or leaving us alone without any provision.

• Never...never allow them to change your life principles, never compromise godly values. It is worth the fight.
  
• Never...never be afraid of making mistakes, life is full of them, they are inevitable. Don't be discouraged!
• Quit trying to please everyone. Learn to do so. No matter how hard. People are so fickle, a chasing after the wind.
• When you need to delegate, take a deep breath, smile, make eye contacts and just do it!
• Debt chaser, what a horrible job! but see it this way...you will then have the courage..years after you will think this is such a valuable experience. Imagine, if the money is your money, what would you do? what would you say? usually it is common sense.
  
• Be confident! not because you have all the skills and you are experienced. But, it is because God wants you to be where you are, at present. You can be sure He is there also. So...be confident!
• When you are tempted to complain, this is not easy especially you live in a country where people think they have not lived if they do not complain. Complaining means you are lacking in something and it could possibly be only a small thing. But, it sure makes it difficult to enjoy something bigger. Your life.
• The boss can say whatever they want, it is because they are the boss. You will get your right when you are in their position. But, they are human like us, things do not always follow their way of thinking, their opinions are not always right. Let them be...if they are angry and miserable...it is their own problem. If they are bitter and nasty, they have a problem...should be pitied. Of course, you are not a saint. No one is. If you found that you are extremely annoyed with them, it is perfectly normal. Just... who enjoys to be scolded?

Survival steps:

• pray to God, it brings you to the source of hope and help (yes, you need help!)
• channel out stress and anger through doing whatever relaxes you, have some fun
• do escape from the noise and the crowd because it helps to calm down and clear your mind
• Yeah...try not to make any decision when you are still hot-headed. Most of the time it leads to regrets

Not easy to do. But, gotta have to. God will give grace. Use them.

You are not alone in this!

Philippians

God of Comfort

O God, who makest cheerfulness and companion of strength, but apt to take wings in time of sorrow, we humbly beseech Thee that if in Thy sovereign wisdom, Thou sendest weakness, yet for Thy mercy's sake deny us not the comfort of patience. Lay not more upon us, O heavenly Father, than Thou wilt enable us to bear, and since the fretfulness of our spirits is more hurtful than the heaviness of our burden, grant us that heavenly calmness which comes of owning Thy hands in all things, and patience in the trust that Thou doest all things well. Amen.

Rowland Williams 1818-1870

taken from Secure in the Everlasting Arm by Elisabeth Elliot

Not Happy

I am not happy

I am not happy

I am not happy


Lord help me. I don't want to make another mistake.

I am tired. I can not delegate tasks. I am basically a slave...people dump work at me. However, I am not a student anymore. Why do I have to bear other's problems when I can barely help mine.

I think it is the time to move on.

I think it is the time to really look for another job.

There are so many companies out there and beneo is only one of them

I dont have to be afraid of what people going to say to me

I am not going to be put down

They never know exactly what's going on 100% and always bias towards themselves

I want a permanent job and if they can not give me then I can not insist.

Let's see what K can do. Even if He gave me, it will be in the sales support area. Do I still want to do that? Do I still like that?

If Y can do that (and she is a secretary), why he needs a food techie to do that? save me Lord, save me from people that only wants to manipulate.

Please.... if what I need is contentment, please hold me back and let me know...let me have it

If what I need is courage to let go and move on...let me have that also

Because I have neither of the two.

About Work

Dear Ms,

I have wanted to talk with you regarding my work responsibilities but I have not any chance to speak with you personally. Hence, I am writing to you.

To be honest, I cannot manage my work properly now. I am overloaded with marketing and sales support work. These last two months, O has given me a regular task to create sales performance report across the three business units for his region and also providing O sales support for the regions. Beside these, marketing tasks from A includes organizing marketing events: making the event list, brochures & marketing gifts stock and order, artwork, budgeting for events, furniture order, preparing things to pack, mending the stand, hotel, flights, handouts, liaising with people involved. In addition to that, market research, updating new product launches database and the list is not exhaustive. I am not sure whether you are aware of these responsibilities.

Hopefully, I do not give the wrong impression that I do not like my work. I have learned a lot from this job and starting to get the big picture of how sales, marketing and technical can complement each other for the good of the company. However, I am losing my track and the quality of the work done seems unacceptable. I have spoken to K and M a few times regarding my responsibilities and being overloaded but somehow the message does not seem to get through. There is no objection with being given various tasks as it will increase my knowledge of the business but I really struggle in meeting all these priorities.

I still enjoy the technical and marketing role and had given my very best to complete all the tasks. If the quality of my work no longer meets the company standards, I am ready to withdraw my application. You have been very kind for giving me this opportunity and I truly enjoy working with you. But, I cannot perform if I have too much on my plate.

PS: I am still interested in a permanent position, if it comes with manageable responsibilities.

Hope you can help, A.

Thank you.

Regards,

GJP Fan

Modified for privacy purpose.

Gempar

Oh sebelum gua membeberkan kejadian hari ini, photo yang ada di blog ini adalah photo Notre Dame Cathedral dan sebelah kanannya Post Office, dua tempat yang sempat dikunjungi selama di Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.

Ok, dimulailah cerita hari ini. Hari ini gua cukup merasa tertekan, bukan hanya mau ke India besokkannya tetapi juga harus ngumpulin sales report ke mr. K. Gue berkali2 berkunjung ke wc untuk berdoa. Sebelum makan siang, mr. K dateng ke meja gua dan ngasih liat gimana caranya bikin report yang dia mau. Gua merasa bodoh dan merasa sangat membuang2 banyak waktu dia. Dia keliatannya kesel banget ama gua. Kata2nya:

1. Are you an organized person or not?
2. Have you called the embassy? Why not? (gua udah telpon berkali2 tuh embassy chile tapi gak ada yang angkat)

Yang paling sakit itu nomer 1. Tapi, gua juga bodoh sih. Udah tahu banyak tapi masih tahan2 dan gak ngomong apa2. Kadang2 serba salah juga sih, soalnya gua bukannya gak pernah ngomong soal being overloaded. Tapi karena pengalaman yang kurang menyenangkan, disindir balik ama si boss, yah males lah, kerjaannya dikit gak ngapa2in bla bla. Anyway, gua mulai suka sih ama kerjaan gua cuma yang namanya overloaded, nothing enjoyable.

Setelah makan siang, berita terbongkar, mr. M resigned. Kita semua reaksinya biasa aja, tapi sebenarnya cukup kaget. Mengapa dia resign? Gila kayak disamber gledek sih. Boss gua kliatannya cukup kecewa.

Kadang gua merasa, kenapa gua gak lebih bawel, bnyk bacot dikit, jadi lebih bisa ngejelasin situasi sama si boss. Si boss tadi cukup kecewa dan merasa kerjaan gua mulai gak ke manage dengan baik. Yach gimana toch? kerjaan gua bnyk. Sales performance report every month, Sales support yang kebnykan dadakan dan penuh dengan customer-customer penting yang gak bisa ditunda2 trus ditambah lagi ngurusin event2, yach kalo belum pernah, cukup bikin tegang soalnya menyangkut nama baik perusahaan. Coba ada salah sedikit. Kalo Palatinit yach, marketingnya kudu perfectto. Image harus image premium, classy, high end. Tapi mr. M itu gak pernah perduli terlalu banyak ama yang begitu2an. Dia emang ternyata gak gitu demen berkecimpung dalam marketing dan pengen move on totally terjun ke sales.

Boss gua hampir kehilangan confidence akan gua. Gua juga rada bete sih ama dia, tukang nyuruh2 tanpa pengen tahu keadaan orang gimana. Tapi, dia kayaknya ada usaha juga sih untuk lebih adil. Dia memang gak se-generous palatinit tapi dia oklah. Gua ngerasa gak enak ma dia setelah ikutan2 colleague lain ngomongin dia dari belakang.

Anywae, tomorrow I will leave for Mumbai. Serem2 seneng. Mudah2an gua dapet waktu istirahat disana dan bisa enjoy kerja (kick ass begitu...)

Mumbai, Namaste!

dari makanan street sampai Bollywood, dari Slums sampe Ganesh festival. Mumbai India's best of the best. We'll see...

Ho Chi Minh, Xin Chao!

Travel Diary: SIN - SGN

Day 1

Arrived at 18:45 Tan Son Nhat airport. First impression: this airport is smaller than Soekarno-Hatta but it is strangely homey. I was picked up by the hotel and soon experience Saigon street. I simply loved it! why? it reminds me of muara karang. Motorbikes are everywhere. I think there were average 10 motorbikes in a second. It is more exotic than my hometown because of the many art galleries, collonial architecture and not to forget friendly people.

The hotel, fabulous. Though my USD got confiscated (because I don't have a credit card) I had my little own time even though I did not manage to wander on the first night in Saigon. I had to work on those handouts straightaway until 11 pm. I was so hungry and had one vanilla ring cookie and one pistachio cookie. Anyway, I soaked myself in a hot bath. That was a treat. Thank you, Lord!

Day 2

Morning:

Planned to check those presentation. My phone card, Singtel, no money, can not top up overseas!!! was panicking incase my boss looked for me. Can not enjoy buffet breakfast. But had crispy waffle with maple syrup. It was heaven! some hash browns and bacon bits. Comfort food. The waitress told me to go on fourth floor to get a Viet Tel card 200,000 Vietnam Dong...alright. for the sake of communication with Suong & Mr. M.

Afternoon:

I planned to wander after sorting the phone card and presentations but it took too long until I had to force myself for a lunch break. Can't rely go out, I had Pho at the hotel. Yeah...I was sitting there I wish I had a friend with me to go to Pho 24. The waitress told me to go for a walk, gave me a map and told me where to go in Saigon. But I was too busy. Not long after, I got the news that all my other colleagues are checked in the hotel with Suong. I finally meet our Vietnamese agents. They are lovely people. We had Vietnamese Coffee at the lobby lounge....I was so happy to see familiar faces. At 5 pm, our presentation meeting. Just as Ita said, expect surprises....the vietnamese font in my presentations was all wrong! There was a little chaos but it was manageable.

Night:

Thank you for my helpful colleagues HF and CG. You are God sent! After the meeting, we went to "Wrap & Roll"...I was happy did not have Pho for dinner, I started to feel bored with noodles. Wrap & roll was just nice...viet wrap...yummm. Oh btw, we were meant to set up the room at 4 pm but the hotel slot in a family function at 5 pm and our agents were not too happy. The hotel comforted us by offering free meeting room for 5 pm. So, that was good. The event manager, Thuyet, poor dear Thuyet was so busy for the whole day yet she impressed me. She promised to finish setting up at 9:30 pm and call me and she did it on time. Renaissance hotel staff, I am really impressed! you guys have been one of the most helpful bunch. Did you realize that it brings many praises to my God? The staff did all you can to help us and I am most grateful. Thank you Hieu and your boys, you all such a good team waitress, I enjoyed working with you all. You all made me fell in love with Saigon!

to be continued...

Good night Ho chi Minh!

PS: I am too lazy to upload my own picture. Above just a few real pictures that I think represent Saigon.

Vietnam, Here I come!