Birthday week reflection

I have just finished a busy week but quite interesting. Evangelism Explosion does require a lot of concentration but it was fun (I managed to get to know some people like Darman, Kartika & Lenny and mbak Wati). So that was nice to know them better. I think EE is quite good, I enjoyed the beginning the most where we all were evangelized by Ko Wei Jing. I particularly touched by the story of Jendral Shamila, when he himself established the law of theft, his own mother turned out to be the theft. Because of his love for mother and the need to uphold justice, he took the punishment that was supposed to be given to his mother. That story reminds me of God's love for me and it was described very clear. So, my joy is renewed because of that story.

I can not thank God more for IEC. IEC people are:

• Caring
• genuinely wants to serve God and follow him
• serving selflessly yet understand grace well
  

May God bless you all my friends!! May the Lord continue to empower us all with the strength needed, giving us the servant heart so that we may serve willingly, sacrificially, joyfully. Please protect all the activists, our shepherds, our friends. Keep the fire burning in their heart and when they fall, by your grace pick them back again. Help them who are in difficulties, whether work problems or family. Weakness and sickness please heal and above all let us enjoy You every moment of our life. You are our only lifeline. We'd rather fall into Your loving hands than pursue after the world. Oh help us in our many weaknesses, for our old self is fighting against the spirit. Win the battle for Your sake, God! that we all might be a beautiful bride of yours. Jesus, lead me, I want to walk with You. If I walk with You, I will certainly be following your will.

God, please restore my first love to you. Give me a servant heart, a heart that is willing to serve, serving no other than You. Give me discernment so that I will not give in to temptation, fall into the devil schemes so that I miss your will for me. Thank you for your love for me, for dying on my place, for providing eternal life for free and thank you for choosing me before the foundation of the earth was even placed. Thank you that I have this hope and You to take care everything. Thank you once again. Forgive my many sins, O Lord for they are such red stains. If I should desire the temporaries of this world, please be gracious to me and bring me back on track. I want to live this life for You. No matter how hard things can be You are always faithful to me. You are and You will always be. Jesus, all the more I seek You, I only find beauty. I only find truth and grace woven together, nicely tight. You are the way, the truth and the life. Thank you.

I hated him

A story of a sundanese girl that become Christian.
http://www.omf.org/australia/news/i_hated_him#

I was quite surprised to hear that Sundanese people remains among the most resistant and unreachable people. The above article explained why.

Work: A new perspective

I am thankful to have work to do. Even though some of you know that I am struggling with it but after talking to God about it, it seems what I need is not a change of job but a change of heart. Lord, even though I don't know where you are bringing me, I don't know the future of me with this job but I know one thing...you are using this job to make me a different person, maturer than I am now. Thus, the clay must be willing to be molded by the potter, it means total surrender.

God, only because of your unchanging character and faithfulness to your promises...
I think I trust the right person.

Many thanks to your prayers, beloved friends! (Satan trembles when he sees, the weakest saint on his knees) I wouldn't have made it without your prayers.

My God, My God
this life belongs to thee
it is no longer mine
one day people shall see
Jesus Christ lives in me...

Doa menyambut pergantian umur

Tuhan, saya rindu untuk mengalami kasih karuniaMu lebih dalam lagi dalam hidup saya.
Saya rindu untuk lebih mengasihi adik saya dan lebih bersabar terhadap dia.
Setelah Engkau memberkati saya dengan sukacita yang penuh, saya rindu Tuhan Engkau pakai saya untuk menjangkau orang2 di sekitar saya, keluarga, teman dan orang kantor. Saya rindu memakai semua talenta yang engkau berikan pada saya bagi kemuliaanMu. Hanya satu saya minta, saya minta agar saya dapat mengalami mukjizatMu setiap hari, hal-hal kecil Tuhan, agar jangan luput dari mata saya untuk melihat betapa besar Anugrah Tuhan bagi saya, agar jangan luput dari mulut saya untuk mengucap syukur dan tidak pernah menganggap saya layak mendapat semua berkat-berkat ini. Agar saya jangan menjadi buta oleh nikmat dunia dan menjual diri saya kepadanya. Agar saya jangan putus asa berdoa, senantiasa bersandar pada Tuhan dan bukan pada diri saya. Agar saya dapat menikmati waktu istirahat saya.
Agar saya tidak mudah tersinggung, supaya beban-beban hidup saya berkurang.

Tuhan, saya tidak tahu jalan hidup saya atau umur panjang saya. Tapi saya rindu menjalani hari tiap hari bersama Tuhan saja dan belajar take one day at a time. Saya tidak bisa jalan sendiri, Thou my only strength and refuge. Thank you for you many blessings already these twenty three years of Lilis' life. Thank you deeply for forgiving all my sins and accepted me as who I am. You make me somebody.

Let Thy Word be true in my life, let it become an irresistible reality in my life that attracts people to You.

These my humble plea, Lord. Amen.

Quote of the week

I want to buy a plain book just to keep all the good quotes, a quote bank or something.

The way to be truly happy is to be truly human
The way to be truly human is to be truly godly

-J.I. Packer-

One that loves the Lord must exhibit:

"praise in prosperity
patience in adversity
peace for the future"

-John Calvin-

"The Atheist most embarrassing moment is when he feel deeply thankful about something but do not know who to thank to"

"An atheist has reason but no hope for his reason
A hypocrite has hope but no reason for his hope
A Christian has both, the reason for his hope and hope for his reason"

"Do not be afraid of hard work for Christ; a terrible reckoning awaits those who have an easy time in the ministry, but a great reward is in reserve for those who endure all things for the elect's sake."

-Spurgeon, 1881-

"Churches do not grow by addition; they grow by nutrition."

"I wish Thy way.
But when in me myself would rise
and long for something otherwise
Then, Holy One, take sword and spear
and slay"

"It is good that we should have to submit to what we do not understand. It teaches us the laws of faith and hope.
It is good that we should have to do what we should rather not. in circumstances not of our choice.
It is good that there should be always something to prick us on, something to remind us that we are in an enemy's country, belong to a marching column.
It is good that we should meet with checks and failures in what we undertake, to keep us humble and prayerful.
All these things belong to sowing tears.
God seems to have laid out the order of things in His church, not for a general and brilliant triumph but for the hidden sanctification of the individual souls which compose it."

Prayer in faith, Jane Erskine Stuart

"yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin.
Each victory will help you some others to win.
Fight manfully onward, dark passions subdue.
Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.

Ask the Savior to help you,
Comfort, strengthen, and keep you.
He is willing to aid you
He will carry you through."

-H. R. Palmer-

I have nothing by Whitney Houston...perfect!

Survival gene put into work

Opportunity

Today, guess what? Mr. K, Mr. M and Me went for lunch together. I already felt quite down cos I can't stand them making fun of me or saying things that are hurtful. Then, lunch time Mr. K asked me whether I wanna join them for lunch, I said ok. Right then and there, I started praying hard. God, my reputation is in your hands. Strengthen my arms and feeble knees. Anything good will come from you. I didn't sleep a wink last night, anxiety attack again. So I felt quite vulnerable.

Lunch time, I didn't have much food. The conversation didn't go anywhere else. Mr. K seems to like to talk about religion with me. His mission is to persuade me not to trust the bible anymore. Haha. I am not convinced. All his arguments are weak man...weak... He gathered all the information here and there, and obviously chose to believe these seemingly knowledgable people from one age to another rather than believing the bible. He said He read the bible but what do you read, dear mister? Don't just read one sided. Don't just read it some and make conclusions. That is called blind hatred, blind discrimination. I feel for you. May the God of light shine through your heart and whatever that you have heard from me may the Lord used it, continue to speak to you in your sleep, dreams and times alone. May it speak so powerfully that you will not be able to resist reading the bible again and seeking God. I am grateful to be able to explain more why I believe in Christ, why I have this precious hope in Him. I know...His truth can expose many sins and I think you are scared. You are scared that I am right. I tell you, God of all truth will remain who He is regardless your belief. The truth will speak for itself and will penetrate even the hardest heart. Only I beg you, humble yourself before Him. He will bless you. He will truly bless you Mr. K. Everything that you seek in life will be found in Him, will be met and satisfied by Him and you will not thirst for anything lesser. I am glad that I can share about what I believe, I am thankful for that little opportunity and you were willing to listen. Mr. M, it's never too late. You TELL me what you believe but I hope to SHOW you what I believe. May God of wisdom be merciful to you and grant understanding to you. Please...let him in...let him in... Please God, don't allow them to be far away from you, blinded by their own sinfulness, loving pleasures and wickedness. Let them respond to you, without fear or pretension. Meet with them in a way they never expect. They desperately need you.

Thank you for the honor of sharing the good news, Lord. Upon that I can only testify of your work.

Simply Happy

I had such a wonderful weekend, free from worries of work. Really! It all starts on Friday. I went to the Evening Bible School and we were discussing about Predestination/Election. As I think about it, the doctrine we believe is important as it determines how we live our lives and what decisions we make. God, if He chose us out of His own will and nothing we can do to be elected, to earn his grace, He is fully gracious and we are really lucky. I think in this way grace will be understood better, His grace, His act of choosing us to be his sons and daughters purely out of love. Then and only then grace is immensely valuable, its definition come into full realization. I absolutely agree, once we understand why God chose us then we will live our life differently. Total transformation. I am looking forward to digging deep into those verses available that supports Armenians & Calvinists systematic theology. You will find the scarlet thread sewn through the bible from beginning to end. Isn't it wonderful?

Saturday, I got up and thinking of doing something good. I won't tell because it might devalue the whole act but it was good to off focus from self. Arrived at youth only to be fed with something really profound. Mrs. Phebe Shen, wow what a lady! when she speaks to us, everyone feel that there is something different, something very attractive, very powerful, almost like fire burning. She shared her hard journey of faith and the abundant fruits. Almost killed by her own father, she persevered till now, bringing many lives (50 people at least in her own family, including her daddy!!) to Christ. She challenged us what difference can we make to the world we live in. Yes, our world is wicked and never fair. But, if we remain as salt, how we meant to be, we will always be useful in the hands of God. She explained, back in the days, salt does not come like powder, how we always have in the container...fine crystals. In those days, salt really means salty rocks. When they have their food, they will bite the food and then lick the rock to get the salty sensation. As you used the rock frequently, the salt content decreases and when it is not salty anymore, it is useless and thrown away. Wow, that's something new I didn't know. I simply admired her. Her passion and cheerful spirit, I always wonder the simbar bro and sis, how does it feel to have an auntie such that. Her faith and prayer life. Her sadness to see there are still many people have not known Christ. Everything of her is...helplessly contagious.

I longed longed longed...God... many have won the battle, me too pleaseee!!!

Thank you for bringing me to IEC. It is one of your graces to keep my faith in You growing, to keep me from going off track. Thank You. I then realize everything, everything that has been happening in my life, every single event, God knows... my weaknesses, God knows what I need, God knows how to clean up the mess I made, God simply knows yet doesn't remain silent and act upon it. Although, it might not how I would like it to be but little by little He kinda did. God, me cling to you. Can not do anything without you. Can NOT!!! Need you every day every hour.
Give me all the necessary wisdom and courage. Make me function! Useful for your Kingdom! Not get tight up with what the world says, wants, gives. The world rejected you first, it will, it will reject me. But me not living for this world only, but for the one the better is coming. My hope is there. My hope is there!! Fill me to the overflowing! run through my family. one by one.

Mrs. Phebe Shen said do your best for God! study as smart as you can, earn a lot of money for God. Why? poor people, plus noisy some more talking about this guy named Jesus, does not make a lot of impressions. Talk about marketing. Haha I like that. That's very true you know...
Be a professional in handling the word of God. Shame on you compare to JW's and Mormons. Never be interested in debate with sects, don't talk about what they believe. Talk about what YOU believe. Awesome as!

Sunday, guess what? the same. Same firing on to inspire us young people to live for God, make influence, do the work of evangelism!!! All the more, If my hands and feet don't move or do any work for God, rasanya gatal deh, can NOT just stand there. The only difference was I went and joined the choir practise today. Mencoba/Menjajaki. Ci SS, Evel & Ci Mar (subtle) persuasion. Hehehe. It was...enjoyable...

Then swensen gelato and crispy veggies completed our happy sunday...

God help thy little worm. Forgive my many sins. Make me secure. Leaning on the everlasting arm.

Life as per 13 August

I have not been blogging for ages. As I sit here and recall back the past few days, I always find it hard to start. After the national day of Singapore, there were two things that I start changing oh no...may be three. Firstly, I start coming to work on the dot. Secondly, dyeing my virgin hair. Thirdly, prolly... I have retreated to my shyness...uhm no...fearful?

My relationship with my boss and manager are not so good. Kinda trapped in a dilemma. There is one work that I still do not know how to do it because it is rather in the boundary of being truthful and untruthful. I have been praying a lot about it. But, I still haven't the way out at the same time knowing I am responsible for this task and in any time, I mean any, He can come to me and ask the result. I really dunno what will I say then.

He keeps teasing me on my faith. It's ok, I expected that. Only...the only part that I am afraid is the trouble that I brought on my own head, saying that I have to much on my plate somehow made me to sound lazy and nagging. Now, my manager is daring to say things that are hurtful. Today, I was asked to scan magazines but may be it wasn't as he expected. I truly didn't know what is it going to be, but he said it was so bad that it looked like a lazy work. I don't know much abt computer and I feel so dumb to have spent five hours in total doing it. :(. How can I be so stupid???

This job is no sweat, don't really need much techniques. It is the matter you know what you are doing and how to organize. You will do pretty well. Doesn't need a degree I don't think. Plus marketing is about making up a bunch of crap and be skillful in greasing people around you to get what you want. A pity...there is no other way if you can not afford waiting. People cut the queue on the way to success by it. You can have great products and believe in it as you pleased but without cunning tactful skills you will not succeed. I don't know how will I survive this job, my heart will bleed if ever I made a compromise. My conscience will go numb. I dunno if I can survive any job involving PR marketing. May be I overimagine...somewhat extreme...but just getting down to the basic, your KPI/performance is based on how you have influenced someone to buy our products...evangel...you must convert others. At this point, any business will be selfish. There is no selflessness in their dictionary. Superficial generosity is done to achieve ultimate self satisfaction. Personal gain...who cares about you...if we don't do it to you...you will do it to us. That's the game. You tell me this is again Darwin principle, each person is equipped with survival gene, those who adapt quickly will survive in this game and those who are resistant will soon be out.

But, oh but...in Revelation...the great majestic triumphant royal wealthy Babylon was proud yet did not stand long. The wrath of God poured out on them and it all wasted away. All the riches of Babylon all that was symbols men honors and greatness...all disappeared in one blow. Because they did not fear God. It was written the merchants weep along the shores, because there will be no more trading with them, no more source of income, the behemoth Babylon has met with ruin and destruction is their inescapable destiny. And the people of God that was slain...Rejoice at last! for the Lord their God is mighty and faithful to His promises.

God, I am sorry I am impatient for my own personal growth, in holiness
I guess it might have been a demanding spirit that takes root on selfishness and unholy motive
Cleanse me with hyssop.
I am amazed at your working...by grace so that I may depend fully on you and I share none of the glory that belongs to you.
Blessed be your holy name!

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

I am so ashamed of myself.
I am truly ashamed.
I am so immature.
I am so stupid!!!
I have no shame.
God...I am so sorry...

Why Christians insist they are right?

Agree, we have never met God neither see Him face to face.
But, don't you think it is a little arrogant to ask Him, such honorable, majestic being to prove it to you? Who are you to deserve such answer? Are you holy enough to be able to face Him?

Yes, there are many religions out there but they are all contradictory to one another. The only common thing between them is that:

• they all recognize there is good and bad
• we are not perfect/sinful
• the way to perfection/salvation for ourselves and surrounding
  
• life after death (whether exist or not)

But, the fact that all religions have different beliefs or even contradictory, to say both are correct is nonsensical. Since all religions differ on the points above, our effort to find the truth is made easier. We are given intelligence to decide, to sort these beliefs and we will come to one.
Many people are not opened to this simply because they are afraid. They are too comfortable with what they believe in and can not be bothered. Because if they found out they are in the wrong side, they will panic.

Of course I think my belief is right. At this moment, we disagree with each other yet each one of us insist that each belief is true. You believe that there are more ways to go to heaven. You absolutely believe that God exists but the way to Him is unknown and you absolutely do not trust religion. Because you absolutely believe that religion is man-made. At this stage, I can only say that there are only two possibilities:

1. Either I am right or you are right
2. Neither of us are right

The fact that we are contradicting each other, both of us simply can not be true.

to be continued...

Wasted

I feel so exhausted today. In front of my colleagues I have to appear strong. Today my boss asked me to go to Mr. K house to visit him. Stupid stupid stupid lah! I said yes I will go, and then no I won't also said no to Mr. K then I ended up going.

I feel stupid! I think my boss won't be too impressed with me.
I feel that I am afraid to take responsibilities
I am afraid of making mistakes

Lilis, wake up! Be yourself!

I tried. My colleagues weren't too impressed knowing that I decided not to come because Mr K. house is far. I know... that is such a lame excuse. But, one of you also took that excuse, right? At least, I am honest to my lady boss and I said to her sincerely in the end that it was nice to come.

Anyway, Lilis...
calm down...
take a deep breath
in the end you visited mr K.
and you just need to let your colleagues know that you finally went when they asked.
otherwise they might think you are so rude and cause unnecessary barrier between you and them.

Mr. K's daughter, Clara is so adorable! I love that kid. Eyes are like doll: long lashes and big eyes. She will grow to be a pretty and smart kid. Father speaks dutch, mama speaks Chinese. She speaks English with me. A two years old amazing capability to learn language.

I feel stink. My feet are stink (crocs to blame). My face always tired and not fresh. So, I feel rather self-conscious. I dun mind but my bosses do mind if I look tired cos they will think I won't be able to work well.

Anyway, at least I was honest to everything and sincere. I hope people can see that.

Lord, I am still carrying this European mentality where my face is purely Asian. I know taking this job is not going to be easy. But, hopefully this little suffering can do me good, shape me the way you want me to be.

Because I keep forgetting that this life doesn't belong to me anymore. This life belongs to you and it is absolutely at your command. If you destined suffering and pain and discomfort, they are all for my good, for my maturity. This life is not mine to keep, to do as I please, but to serve my Lord. And serve Him til I die, I should.

I keep remembering Mr. K debate and comparing it with the book that I read. The following sentences serve to satisfy my own desire to reply properly:

Why should you agree with abortion? Don't you think the baby in the womb before coming out into the world was living and enjoying his/her relationship with his/her parents? Will you disregard the 40 weeks life compare to 80 years? you think 40 weeks life weren't life not worth a living? who are you to make a decision for the baby when clearly the Creator has decided to give it breath of life? Do you agree then if people become irresponsible and when they decided they don't want the baby, they can just let it stop living? How immature! Daring to act but runaway from responsibility.

How little and pathetic, the God that you worship! not sovereign, passive, no emotions, no power, so limited. Such god does not deserve the title "God". If He is God, He will be able to see you, care for you even if you are but dust compare to the unimaginable size and the ever-expanding galaxy.

Here, Jesus. My life, do as you please.

About my Job

Lord, I want to work hard. I am sorry for complaining and losing my focus.
Thank you for this job, Lord! Thank you so much!!!

Oh..how I love this poem dearly!

And shall I fear
That there is anything that men hold dear
Thou would'st deprived me of,
And nothing give in place?

That is not so--
For I can see Thy face
And hear Thee now:

"My child, I died for Thee,
And if the gift of love and life
You took from me,
Shall I one precious thing withhold--
One beautiful and bright,
One pure and precious thing withhold?
My child, it cannot be."

By Betty Scott Stam

Notable quotes part 2

Austrian Psychiatrist Victor Frankl learned from concentration camp:
that every freedom can be denied a man except the freedom to choose his attitude, and that suffering is not an obstacle to happiness but the necessary means to it.

"Don't dig up in doubt, what you planted in faith"

"Believing prayer must be the practice of a Christian's whole life"

"The Lord taught me that the preparation for marriage is not so much a matter of finding the right person as it is becoming the right person."

"We learn, to love what He commands and to desire nothing that He does not promise."

"Jesus, Thou joy of loving hearts,
Thou fount of life, Thou light of men,
From the best bliss that earth imparts,
We turn to Thee unfulfilled again"

Bernard Clairvaux

Worst fears that materialize are abyss and mass of mercies, appointed and assigned by a loving Father who sees the end from the beginning. The more we learn to fear God, the less we fear anything else. The fear of the Lord is the cure for boredom. It goes with living in the presence of God. It is a lamp in a dark place; it consumes malice and wrong thoughts. It is according to Proverbs, Life. It is the fruit of humility and first step to wisdom.

Notable Quotes

From moral weakness of spirit; from timidity; from hesitation; from fear of men and dread of responsibility, strengthen us with the courage to speak the truth in love and self-control; and alike from the weakness of hasty violence and weakness of moral cowardice.

save us and help us. We humbly beseech Thee, O Lord.

From weakness of judgment; from the indecision that make no choice; from the irresolution that carries no choice into act; and from losing opportunities to serve Thee,

save us and help us, we humbly beseech Thee, O Lord.

The Southwell Litany for the Personal Life (Cincinnati: Forward Movement Publications)

Issac Pennington wrote:
What if the wicked nature, which is as a sea casting out mire and dirt, rage against Thee? There is a river, a sweet, still, flowing river, the streams whereof will make glad thy heart. And learn but in quietness and stillness to retire to the Lord, and wait upon Him, in whom thou shalt feel peace and joy, in the midst of thy trouble from the cruel and vexatious spirit of this world.