My desire

I just long for quietness. Solitude. Peace. Slow pace of life. Singapore is too hectic, too fast, too ambitious, too eager...if you are ready for it, you will be ok, you will be improved for the better. Yesterday was talking to Hilda and what a well of wisdom she is. I want to have that kind of peace, serenity and graciousness. These qualities made her beautiful. These are the jewels women should wear, the popular branded bags and fashion that's 'in'. Not cheap stuff.

I groan for my own weaknesses.
I hate my sensitivity to words
I hate my tendency to follow what others think
I hate my indecisiveness
I hate my timidity
I hate my lack of confidence

I want to break free.

I want to be able to refuse graciously
I want to know the Lord's will for my life and stick to it no matter what!!
I want to walk slowly despite my hurry surroundings
I want conviction
I want to live victoriously with Him
I want to be fearless
I want to make decisions and not being fickle
I know what I need to do and I just want to do what I am supposed to do.
I do not want to be afraid of making mistakes regardless of what people say
I don't want to care too much of what people say
I want to have the freedom to do what God puts in my heart regardless of what parents will say or others will say...why should I be afraid? or embarassed? my God is the Lord of the Universe.
I want to know how to deal or communicate with my parents, family
I want happiness and joy and I know very well I can only obtain these in God. I am absolutely convinced that no where else is found true everlasting source of happiness
I want to be a christian hedonist! (John Piper haha)

and I know I will slowly get to this place because I am already free. I know what I need to do but often I have no courage nor faith. Lord, give me what is due to me now, what is my lot at present and if I ask for something that belongs to the future, give me patience to wait and willingness to yield to your will.

God, we only need you. Our deepest longings can only be fully satisfied by you...because you are perfect. Nothing else can. If our heart should desire for something cheap, please graciously show Yourself to us, that we may learn to desire what is good, what is perfect and what is right.

We will be truly ourselves when we are in Him.