08 March 2010

I am a dead meat

Never in my life I turned down a job offer (again, not that I receive that many offer). This boss is quite interesting guy, he is the typical chinese singaporean that wish his business make it all over the world. Not a dreamy wishy woshy thing, but it is achievable nowadays. It's just I find that it is all too ambitious and am so sorry I chose not to take part in it. My age telling me that I should take on the challenges. I am telling myself that the effort does not equal the rewards. All the boss try to achieve is success, his products gained a lot of respect from all over the world. He thinks I can talk which is a compliment. He thinks that my technical skills need polishing but I can learn and survive through. Oh gosh...hearing that I feel like I am not gonna survive at all. What? am I here trying to test my endurance through it? you gotta be joking. I am just barely pass through, sir. That's what you do not know about. I don't blame you, in fact I wish to help out to your company, but I am just not fitted for the work, as yet. I will one day, may be next year or two but not now. Thank you once again for offering me such delicious offer, very tempting but I have to apply "to thine own self be true". I must be honest with myself.

Everybody asks me why? why? why? why? why?

The job is too challenging for me. I am not ready even though the boss thinks I can make it. I just don't want a life spent for work, striving for something that I don't think it's too important. His secretary was puzzled, I guess they never been rejected before. Please trust me, it was not easy to make the decision. It was through much prayers and discussions. I don't really want to do it, as simple as that. At the very beginning, after the interview I already putting this job aside, let alone thinking that I will be accepted. I am just not ready for another challenging job, not another full of pressure job, it will burn my head I tell you.

I don't care if people think I am a loser. so be it. I know what I can handle and will stick to it!

I am so tired after the whole day dealing with quick decisive effective decision making.

Decision made! done deal. no more offer.

I wish I was not in this situation. I wish I can just embrace all opportunities and go mad about it. But, I can't... deep inside my heart I know... I am not ready...

4 comments:

Anne said...

Well, it's ok if you think you're not ready yet. but don't do it often ya, be sure you can do and want the job before you apply next time. Sometimes people might exaggerate the problem and scare you rather than telling the truth. the truth is there is a process when the new people do not know anything and need to learn through it. just looking at others sometimes comforts me, people don't really know what they're doing at work! so don't look down on yourself ya. take it easy. gambate.

Janicelees said...

oh don't worry, this is my first time. Haha. But, it's better now than later being tied up in a contract.

It's difficult to want and enjoy the job as there aren't that many options for me. So, it's hard.

Yea, thought about the possibilities that He might be scaring me away. But, He was being very honest and straightforward.

I probably can make it. I just don't want to make the extra effort. I don't want to work my butt off, that's the thing (omg, I sound like a lazy bum, hahaha). No, I am just not ready for another tearing up of my body. May be I should just go back. But, it does not seem to be the right time as yet. I want something that I can handle. chop chop chew.

Anne said...

well i'm probably not the best person to give you advice. so, let's fight together aye? for Life of course.

Janicelees said...

thanks for sharing anne :) all the best for your interview.